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Tag: Artist: Bo Kaier Page 5 of 9

Bo Kaier is the art director of the Drabblecast, and a tool. Definitely a tool

Drabblecast B-Sides 43 – The Parasite Parade

On April 20, 2014

In Comedy, Drabblecast B-Sides, Strange

If you could shrink tiny, and drop down your own throat
Like the tiniest of captains on the tiniest of boats
I bet you’d be shocked at the things that you saw
In the dark and the damp of your damp and dark maw.
Your body’s a marvel, it’s one of a kind
Which is why countless scary small things live inside!
They can’t live in houses, as most of us do
So they climb inside people– like me and like you!

Do you hear the band playing– that merry old song?
While the horns play the chorus and the crowd sings along?
Down Main Street they march, that gay promenade
Which float is your favorite in the Parasite Parade?

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Drabblecast B-Sides 42 – Chrysalis

On April 6, 2014

In Drabblecast B-Sides, Sci-Fi

Dear Grandma,
Your letters beat me to Husa and I’ve told the computer to dole them out at the intervals that you sent them. I got no idea why I’m telling you that, since there’s zero chance you’ll read this. Helps me focus, I guess.

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Drabblecast 310 – The Ugly Chickens

On January 16, 2014

In Drabblecast, Drama, Mystery

My car was broken, and I had a class to teach at eleven. So I took the city bus, something I rarely do.

I spent last summer crawling through The Big Thicket with cameras and tape recorder, photographing and taping two of the last ivory-billed woodpeckers on the earth. You can see the films at your local Audubon Society showroom. This year I wanted something just as flashy but a little less taxing.

Perhaps a population study on the Bermuda cahow, or the New Zealand takahe. A month or so in the warm (not hot) sun would do me a world of good. To say nothing of the advance of science. I was idly leafing through Greenway’s Extinct and Vanishing Birds of the World. The city bus was winding its way through the ritzy neighborhoods of Austin, stopping to let off the chicanas, black women, and Vietnamese who tended the kitchens and gardens of the rich.

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Drabblecast 305 – Testimony Before an Emergency Session of The Naval Cephalopod Command

On December 6, 2013

In Action, Drabblecast, Sci-Fi, Strange

The squid is a solipsistic psychopathic God with a lust for submarine hull and a mandate from Ronald Reagan branded on its hunting tentacles. It sweeps east from Iceland in the cold under the
thermocline, alone in the dark, solitary lord of a solitary place.

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Drabblecast B-Sides 34 – Drabblecast Interview: Elizabeth Bear & Sarah Monette

On December 1, 2013

In Drabblecast B-Sides, Interview

A special Drabblecast interview with authors Elizabeth Bear and Sarah Monette, Authors of Mongoose, Boojum, and The Wreck of the Charles Dexter Ward.

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Drabblecast B-Sides 31 – The Black and White Animals Trilogy

On October 23, 2013

In Comedy, Drabblecast B-Sides, Fantasy, Horror, Sci-Fi

The complete Black and White Animals Trilogy, uncut. Written by Kendall Marchman, Luke Coddington and Norm Sherman, produced by Norm Sherman. Originally appeared as episodes 11, 22, and 24… Part 1: Secret Weapons, Part 2: Vengeful Hearts and Part 3: Chromatic Conclusions.

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Drabblecast B-Sides 30 – The Tribe

On October 15, 2013

In Drabblecast B-Sides, Strange

The grass is cool against my skin. A nice contrast from the burning hot sun hanging in a sky the color of pale skin, sickly and suffocating. I’m naked but I think I’ve always been this way. There’s a moment of comfort, like everything is going to be OK, before I remember that nothing is going to be OK, and everything is fucked.

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Drabblecast B-Sides 29 – The Lemon-Green Spaghetti-Loud Dynamite-Dribble Day

On September 25, 2013

In Drabblecast B-Sides, Strange

Testimony of Witness No. 5671 before the Special Presidential Investigative Commission. Leonard Drucker, thirty-one years old, unmarried, of 238 West 10th Street, New York City, Borough of Manhattan, employed as a salesman by the Har-Bern Office Partition Company of 205 East 42nd Street, New York City, Borough of Manhattan. Witness, being placed under oath, does swear and depose:
Well, I don’t know, the telephone woke me up about eight A.M. on that Wednesday morning. I grabbed at it, half falling out of bed, and finally managed to juggle it up to my ear. A girl’s voice was saying, “Hello, Lennie? Is that you, Lennie? Hello?”

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Drabblecast B-Sides 28 – TGIF

On September 25, 2013

In Comedy, Drabblecast B-Sides

TGIF, a covers medley by The Drabblecast’s Norm Sherman

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Drabblecast B-Sides 27 – I Don’t Know Timmy, Being God is a Big Responsibility

On September 10, 2013

In Drabblecast B-Sides, Sci-Fi

Tim already had his bag and overcoat on and his keys in his hand and was about to leave when Diane stopped him at the door.
“I just got this thing working. You have to come and see it.”
“I have a bus to catch.”
“You can get the next one.”
“They’re every half an hour,” he objected. “This had better be good…”

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Drabblecast B-Sides 25 – Fungi from Yuggoth

On August 13, 2013

In Drabblecast B-Sides, Horror

I. The Book

The place was dark and dusty and half-lost
In tangles of old alleys near the quays,
Reeking of strange things brought in from the seas,
And with queer curls of fog that west winds tossed.
Small lozenge panes, obscured by smoke and frost,
Just shewed the books, in piles like twisted trees,
Rotting from floor to roof—congeries
Of crumbling elder lore at little cost.

I entered, charmed, and from a cobwebbed heap
Took up the nearest tome and thumbed it through,
Trembling at curious words that seemed to keep
Some secret, monstrous if one only knew.
Then, looking for some seller old in craft,
I could find nothing but a voice that laughed.

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Drabblecast B-Sides 24 – Answer

On July 20, 2013

In Drabblecast B-Sides, Sci-Fi

He straightened and nodded to Dwar Reyn, then moved to a position beside the switch that would complete the contact when he threw it. The switch that would connect, all at once, all of the monster computing machines of all the populated planets in the universe–ninety-six billion planets–into the supercircuit that would connect them all into the one supercalculator, one cybernetics machine that would combine all the knowledge of all the galaxies…

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Drabblecast B-Sides 20 – In Search of The Burmese Floridian Python with Connor Choadsworth

On April 11, 2013

In Comedy, Drabblecast B-Sides, Strange, Video

Pallid, oddly-accented Cryptozoologist Connor Choadsworth and his slack-jawed, knuckle-dragging camera man Jeff journey deep into the Florida Everglades in search of the elusive and decidedly misplaced “Burmese Floridian Python…”

This ~~is an~~ was an exclusive video podcast originally available only to Drabblecast $10.00 a month subscribers. Subscribe and support your favorite podcast!

Now you can enjoy!

Drabblecast B-Sides 20 – In Search of The Burmese Floridian Python with Connor Choadsworth

Cover for Drabblecast episode 269, Bright Lights, by Bo Kaier

Drabblecast 269 – Bright Lights

On January 17, 2013

In Drabblecast, Horror, Sci-Fi

The water fountains are low. The lockers are empty. The summer air is warm but there are people in the classrooms. People are talking, are moving. A female emerges from the nearest classroom. She is fully grown. She has dyed hair and competing odors and all of her teeth. Showing her teeth, she asks, “Are you the teacher?”

“YES. YES, I AM.”

She wants to believe those words. What she sees isn’t what she expects, but this woman believes in authority. She wants to get along with others. Showing her teeth, she says, “My son is thrilled to get into your class. He loves the outdoors and doing outdoor things . . . fishing and all that. . . .”

“GOOD.”

“You’ll do the field trip Thursday, right? To the woods?” She waits a moment and then says, “I can take some of the kids, if you need an extra car.”

“I DON’T NEED A CAR.”

“But I’d like to come along. I mean, I’ve heard such good things about you. My friend Rita . . .” She stops talking, trying to find a reason for her nervousness.

“I MUST GO AND TEACH YOUR SON.”

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Drabblecast B-Sides 18 – On the Vinegar Valves of Venus

On December 19, 2012

In Comedy, Drabblecast B-Sides, Sci-Fi, Strange

Monsignor’s Log, stardate the Millennium Feast of Saints Blot & Cugat…

It was a very special day, so I wore the least tatty of my vestments. The chasuble is only slightly frayed, the stains on the cincture have faded, the alb, granted, is little better than a rag. I cannot get the grease out of the amice, and the stole is in tatters. The less said about the maniple the better. But by adjusting the lighting so it played through the cobwebs I think only the sharpest-eyed of congregants will have noticed. I did my best to disguise the stink by spraying the chapel with an aerosol can of Essence of Blood of the Lamb. It was decocted, of course, not from the real blood of a real lamb, but from chemical compounds manufactured in the lab by boffins. I have seen pictures of so-called “real” lambs in a codex. They look like tinier versions of sheep, if, that is, they were drawn to scale. Who knows?

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Cover for Drabblecast episode 263, Betty Flesh and the Meat Man, by Bo Kaier

Drabblecast 263 – Betty Flesh and the Meat Man

On November 16, 2012

In Drabblecast, Fantasy, Romance, Strange

“Your suitor’s here!” Ma Flesh hurried into the back room of the butcher’s shop. “Are you presentable?”

Betty waited there amongst the swinging, marbled yellow cow carcasses. The wooden butcher’s table was smooth under her fingertips, and solid as the earth. Knives glinted from the walls, each reflecting a tiny, seated Betty and the thin figure of Ma Flesh standing over her.

“Sit up straight,” Ma snapped. “And don’t scratch. It could lead to tragedy. I mean it.”

“I won’t.” Betty didn’t dare ask why Ma was so against scratching. Her head itched but she didn’t lift her hand. Ma had cut off Betty’s hair to stop her from being so floaty. She hoped the suitor liked short hair. If he was blind, he’d like it, she thought. She could lay her head in his lap and he could tell her mood by the bumps on her skull. He could stroke behind her ears, let his fingers drift up to her crown, slide down her neck–

“It isn’t Saturday.” Ma rapped on Betty’s head with the back of her shining metal hook. “No going floaty today, girl.”

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Cover for Drabblecast episode 260, Trifecta XXIII, by Bo Kaier

Drabblecast 260 – Trifecta XXIII

On October 19, 2012

In Drabblecast, Fantasy, Horror

You don’t remember anything, do you? Selective memory loss; what an achievement for a mind as young as yours. Locked in a cupboard of your consciousness, the guilt will eat at you from the inside…

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Drabblecast 255 – The Wreck of the Charles Dexter Ward pt. 2

On September 6, 2012

In Action, Drabblecast, Horror, Sci-Fi

Looking away from the light that showed the Charles Dexter Ward was no longer entirely dead was as hard as opening a rusted zipper. But Cynthia did it, and didn’t let herself look back She pulled Hester a little further down the corridor and said, “Now we really need to know how she killed him. And whether it’ll work a second time…”

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Drabblecast 254 – The Wreck of the Charles Dexter Ward pt. 1

On August 31, 2012

In Drabblecast, Horror, Sci-Fi

Six weeks into her involuntary tenure on Faraday Station, Cynthia Feuerwerker needed a job. She could no longer afford to be choosy about it, either; her oxygen tax was due, and you didn’t have to be a medical doctor to understand the difficulties inherent in trying to breathe vacuum.

You didn’t have to be, but Cynthia was one. Or had been, until the allegations of malpractice and unlicensed experimentation began to catch up with her. As they had done, here at Faraday, six weeks ago…

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Mega Beast Death Match 2012 Finals Cover by Bo Kaier

Mega Beast Death Match 2012 – The Finals

On August 27, 2012

In Mega-Beast Death-Match

“There’s Gonna Be a Hard 8 Tonight”

The worst Swedish fish…
How to get spell off a white couch…

And who would win in a fight to the death: A flying invisible panda-ray with missile launchers and a pair of gun turrets, a 30 foot tall, 6-ton hydrogen filled naughtilus with heat vision, giant flamingo legs and bayonet tentacles, an anthropomorphized salamander-horse necromancer that can run the speed of light, cast barrier spells and subjugate the recent dead, or a winged, acid-spitting octo-platypus with probability altering abilities and a cricket bat…

You decide who becomes the champion of the Season V Super Animal Megabeast Competition!

Warning: Super Explicit and just awful, as always.

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